Raise your hand if you’re a dirty whore

During her recent trip to Africa, Paris Hilton annoyed all the locals by wanting to buy everything — even a cheetah. A source staying at the same hotel as Paris in Cape Town told the New York Daily News:

“Every time Paris saw something she liked, like a woman’s dress, she would ask how much it was. That included a cheetah she saw at an animal park. She asked how much it was and said, ‘If I bought a cheetah, would it run away from me or could I keep it?’” (Source)

It would probably run away. Have you been to an animal shelter lately? It kills me to see all those sad cheetahs. I almost adopted one last week — “Bitey” I think his name was. Oh he was so cute. I swear with every swipe at my jugular, he took a little piece of my heart.